Fear

As we drive home, in the middle of nowhere.. the road passing by with the beats of the music, the kids exhausted from the late nights of lights and thrills …  I sit here snuggled by the heat coming out of my seat, reflecting on the last 3 weeks of the whirlwind that could be deemed a “rodeo season”

It all started with the thrill of being able to get shown the ropes from a quick becoming friend, a friendship developing through the path of the boutique, she gave me the light to explore the unknown world of Pro Rodeo, and I was game to step to the challenge.. Life had other plans and unfortunately her season ended abruptly and I found myself having to look deep inside and find an own kind of light, though dim and timid, somehow the wheels kept turning and we made it from one rodeo to the next… my support system became texts with my husband who was in Europe,  phone calls for pre rodeo prayers with my best friend, and support from my tribe making sure I got to the next despite all my nervous attempts to get out of going on to the next.

Over the last month … I have placed last place in EVERY pro rodeo, I have gone to a super show and come home with over 1k in winnings, and won an amateur rodeo …. there was no sure bets that I’d make it to the next rodeo, no guarantee that my 15 year old gelding who has come back from a broken leg last year would hold strong and healthy to the task, and the only guarantee seemed to be that “growth is painful”

As we drive and I question what in the world the outcome of this adventure is, my mind settles and finds comfort in one truth or lesson that was being taught through the process “ we must not be afraid to FAIL”. We must not be afraid … Gods grace is enough to hold us through the hardships of expansion, He will be the light that shines on your path.

Of course it takes being open to the path .. ..  Did I want to cry every time I came out of that Pro arena knowing that once again we had the slowest time , yes !! Did I want to cry coming out of the arena and winning the rodeo, yes !! It’s amazing to look at the last month as a whole and think , I DID it .. something that seemed so out of reach became a building block for the next part of the adventure

Though in a perfect daydream I would have filled my card this year … I have determined the foundation has to be set to be at the top of my goals .. Can you be a good winner if your foundation isn’t strong ? What kind of winner or influence do you want to be ? What’s the base of your foundation … Some of the riders I look up to most know how to ride into the arena each time like it’s gonna be the best time .. they have let go of the fear of failure and ride for each ride and each experience… the last month has taught me to run into each pattern not as a fail or win , but for what each night and day brings, to appreciate each ride, and the process as a whole. With approx 2k in earnings, 3 weeks of making memories with family and friends and being brave enough each night to face fear and say , not tonight … my faith in Gods timing couldn’t be stronger … I want to be the winner that has a complete foundation and can you be that without the struggle , absolutely not .. does God give us struggle to weaken us .. absolutely not but rather to make us whole.

This season I am thankful for learning the lesson of not being afraid to fail .. our idea of failure is such an obscured and frightening emotion .. “For God is with me, I shall not fail” I  believe this and hope to all of you who feel like quitting , DONT !! The story will come full circle, may not look as we hope , might hurt our pride, might have bumps and pitfalls but it will also have joy, growth, love, and true meaning..

What is failure …. it is not something to fear … everyday we get to make the choice .. take the trip, make the job change, give into love, forgive, make time for a friend, learn that new skill….  face the next ally

FEAR NOT

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s